


Bucky's Tale

by bored_now



Series: Through the Years [3]
Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-05-10
Updated: 2014-05-10
Packaged: 2018-01-24 04:09:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,720
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1591127
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bored_now/pseuds/bored_now
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The Winter Soldier.  Bucky Barnes.  Who was He anyway?  Or, the start of Bucky's journey to reclaim himself and his life.  Part of "Through the Years" series, but can be read as a stand alone</p>
            </blockquote>





	Bucky's Tale

It had been at least a month since the battle. Whatever that meant. He had heard one of the volunteers talking about it. Apparently the volunteer had known people who had died there. So did He. At least, He thought He did.

Currently, He found himself sitting in His favorite shelter. The one on Second Street. The neighborhood was a little rough, but He knew there was nothing scarier out there than Him. He was glad that no one here had seemed to pick up on that. Although, He wasn't sure why that was important. 

One thing He had decided, was that it was nice that the weather was unseasonably cold so He could wear a long sleeved shirt to hide His metal arm without attracting attention to Himself. The last thing He wanted was attention. 

His ears pricked up again as the volunteers' conversation shifted gears slightly. One word- or name really- caught His attention. 

“Guess it must be a slow news day if they’re talking about where Captain America is again.” 

He saw the volunteer gesture to the television and when He looked over, His breath caught. It was the man from the battle. The one who looked familiar. The one that claimed to know Him.

“Who is that man?” He asked and everyone stared at Him. He realized suddenly that He had spoken aloud. He glared and asked again, pointing to the television where the man- Captain America- was still on the screen. The volunteer, a big man over six feet tall and solidly built, swallowed hard in the face of His glare...but answered. 

“That’s Captain America.”

“Who is Captain America?” He asked. He felt like this was important. It was something He should know. Had known. The man gave Him a confused look.

“I’m not sure what you mean.” The volunteer did look uncertain, but He merely continued to glare. Glaring helped distract Him from the pain that had erupted in His head. 

“Who. Is. He.” He stood slowly from where He was sitting, causing everyone in the room to stop and stare at Him in fear. He knew fear. Everyone was afraid of Him. In a way, it was comforting. 

“Hey man, calm down.” The volunteer said holding his hands up in the face of His continued glower. “I don’t really know, aside from the fact that he’s a super hero. There was a thing in New York…”

The volunteer continued speaking but His mind got caught on New York. He knew that place. Just like He knew that man. His head throbbed a little more. Just when He was about to lash out, and probably get Himself banned from the shelter, a grey haired old lady who He recognized as another volunteer came up to Him and looked Him in the eye. He felt himself relax a little. 

“What’s the problem, son?” He thought of the many ways that He could answer, before settling on the easiest answer. 

“Who’s Captain America?” She actually smiled at Him. It took Him completely by surprise. 

“Didn’t take you for a super hero fan.” She said in a teasing voice. Teasing. He remembered that…He forced Himself back to the present and listened to the lady. “I don’t know too much about him or the history, but I hear there’s an exhibit down at the Smithsonian on the Mall.” There was a long silence as she looked up at Him expectantly.

“Alright.” He answered, before slowly sinking back down into His seat in the corner. She looked like she wanted to say something else, but instead just gave a sharp nod and walked away, back to her duties. Some of the others in the room stared at Him, still afraid. He was aware, but pretended to ignore it. He didn’t know if He liked them being afraid of Him or not. It was like He was two different men; one relished their fear and the other was disgusted by it and by Himself. Which man was He now?

*~*~*~*~*~*~~*

It took Him over a week to find the exhibit. It turns out the Smithsonian was a group of museums. Once He found the Mall, He found a map of all the museums. He figured an exhibit about Captain America would be at the American History museum. It took Him two days to go through the entire museum before He admitted to Himself that it wasn’t there. 

He wasn’t sure where to go next. He eliminated the art museums and eventually decided to go through the Natural History museum because it had “history” in the title and it was right next door to the American History museum. 

It wasn’t there. But there was a whole room with dinosaurs which He really liked a lot even though it always seemed to be filled with laughing, loud, smiling children. It took Him three days to get through that museum. At a loss where to go next, He decided to randomly choose His next museum. He pointed at the map and saw the Native American museum had been selected. 

Even though it didn’t sound right, He walked down there, sticking to the shadows. But He never made it. On His way, he passed a sort of squat building that claimed to be the Air and Space museum. There was a picture of Captain America on a banner. He almost smiled as He walked up the steps.

The foyer was impressive. He glanced up at the planes. He glanced at a capsule that had been sent to space. Why did it look familiar? He walked by a moon rock and felt his brow lift involuntarily in surprise. The moon? 

His wandering eventually led Him to the exhibit. It seemed that since He had found the right museum, finding the exhibit was easy. There he was, Captain America, staring down at Him. He steeled Himself and went into the exhibit.

*~*~*~*~*~*~

He stared up at the picture in front of Him. That was him. But not Him. A him who died in 1944. Whose name was James Buchannan Barnes and was best friends with Steve Rogers. Captain America. Target #1. 

His eyes watered as he continued to look at the sign and His head began to throb. There were too many people around; too much noise. He didn’t know how to explain what He was seeing. He didn’t understand why He pulled His Target out of the river. He was supposed to kill Captain America. Not save him. 

It looked like three days ago wasn’t the first time He had saved Captain America if the stories posted around Him were to be believed. 

_Were the stories to be believed?_

He didn’t know what to do or where to go. The only thing that He did know was that He couldn’t stay in this room with all the echoing screams of children around him. If He listened too hard, their screams of excitement became different types of screams. Screams of pain. Screams of anguish. Screams He caused. 

He ran. 

_His name is Bucky- but that doesn’t sound right. Maybe, once, His name was Bucky. But now His name wasn’t Bucky. Now He was a man without a name._

And found Himself in the middle of a large open green space. The Mall. The sky was blue above Him and the sun was shining down on Him but there was a chill in the air that made Him pull His collar up over his neck. People were wandering around; they appeared to be taking pictures. He didn’t know when He was and didn’t know where He wanted to go. 

In fact, there wasn’t a lot that He did know. He only knew that He couldn’t stay here and He didn’t want to be around people. The area was too exposed. Enemies could be anywhere…

_He could feel the eyes on him as he sat at his scope. Someone else was here. His target was due to come out of the house to walk to the car on their way to work any second now. After a week of surveillance, he knew that this was the only time the man was out in the open. All other hours he had guards or was behind bullet proof glass. Where he was sitting was exposed, but it was the best place to get his shot off._

He heard a rustle behind him…he twisted away just in time. The bullet to missed him. But his target was being hustled into the car by his guards, the sound of the bullet alerting them to danger…

The Winter Soldier wasn’t worried. He would get his target. He always did. 

It was just the size of the body count that would change now. One dead became ten dead because of one enemy assassin looking to make a name for himself. It would be a mistake that particular assassin would never make again.

Bucky shook his head. Was He Bucky? Or was He the Winter Soldier? He didn’t even know what to call Himself. Voices rose up in His head…

_Yasha…Bucky…Sergeant Barnes…James_

He clutched His head in His hands, His hair snagging on the links of His metal hand. That was good. The paint brought Him clarity. He focused on that and moved to go sit under one of the trees nearby the edge of the big open place to figure out His options.

_He had options_

That thought made Him sit completely still. So still, that one of the many sparrows fluttering around perched on His metal hand. He looked at the bird. It cocked its head at Him and He found Himself in a staring contest. With a sparrow. The thought made Him laugh, which made the bird fly off. But He remembered what it was like to laugh. He never wanted to forget again. 

Options. He could stay here. Continue to live in the shelter. Part of Him rankled at the thought of accepting charity. He wondered which part that was. When He first started going there, it had seemed a good way to lay low, stay off everyone’s radar and regroup. He’d never had a target save His life before. He’d never let a target get away…He cut off that train of thought. 

But it led Him to His next option. 

He could locate and go back to His handlers. As soon as He thought it, his breathing became more shallow and His heart rate picked up. He could practically feel the icy echo of the frost on His face. He forced himself to remain calm. If He went back…He wouldn’t remember. He wouldn’t feel this uncertainty. He wouldn’t have to choose anything else ever again. They would tell Him. The thought filled Him with equal parts relief and terror.

The sparrow flew back and landed a few paces away from Him, as though expecting something. He remembered how to laugh. Some foreign feeling surged up inside of Him. He _wanted_ to laugh. He _wanted_ to remember. He _wanted_ to choose. He rejected that option. No. He would not go back. He would never be the Winter Soldier again.

But He didn’t like the other option either, staying in the life He’d been living the past few months. It seemed…not right. He wasn’t the Winter Soldier. But was He still Bucky Barnes?

_I’ve known you your whole life_

The man, Captain America, had said that.

_I’m with you, until the end of the line_

He had said that. **No.** Captain America. He lowered tucked His knees up to His chest and put His elbows on His knees and slowly lowered His head to His hands. He looked at His scuffed combat boots. Everything was a jumble. He was a jumble. But maybe…maybe He could somehow get unjumbled. 

He half smiled at the scuff mark on the inside of His right heel. The sparrow twittered, drawing His attention. It cocked its head at Him again and Bucky gave a real smile. He didn’t know where the thought suddenly came from, but He realized He only had one option. Go home. 

He stood up and started walking, His feet pointed in the direction of New York (although He didn’t know it). He would go home. He would find S- Captain America.

He might not be Bucky Barnes now, but He wanted to try to be the smiling man in the pictures. A man with hope. A man with a future. A man with friends. 

That had been His only option all along. 

 

*~*~*~*~*~*~

Natasha sighed as she went through the security feeds. This was not what she wanted to be doing with her time. But she had promised Steve. The corners of her mouth went up at the thought of Steve. Her…friend. It was still a bit of a foreign concept to her. 

Steve was out of town, following up on another lead about a sighting of the Winter Soldier. Natasha doubted anything would come of it, all the leads so far had been a waste of time. The only thing positive to come out of the past three months was that Steve had finally seemed to take an interest in the world around him _outside_ of missions. Natasha was surprised at his interest, pursuit, and eventual relationship with Darcy Lewis, and it took a lot to surprise her. Even more to surprise her in a positive way. 

Right now, Steve was in Tirana. Thankfully, Stark had loaned him the jet so the trip shouldn’t take that long. This was probably another fake lead and she knew that Darcy had something special planned for Steve tonight.

Her eyes absently flickered over the faces on the screen. Steve was somehow convinced that the Winter Soldier (she had a hard time calling him anything else even in her head…even though Steve always called him Bucky) would come to New York. Natasha thought he was kidding himself. Usually, it was Steve who would pour over the security footage until Darcy would come and pull him away to go to the movies. Or go dancing. Or sometimes she’d just bring him some sort of baked good and sit quietly with him. 

Natasha let her mind wander as she thought about her friends’ relationship. And yes. She considered both of them her friends. It was another thing that had surprised her- her friendship with Darcy. She wasn’t friends with other women. And she had never been remotely friendly with someone so…normal. She had to admit, the two of them were heart wretchedly adorable together. She had what she thought was in a solid relationship with Clint, but looking at Steve and Darcy (and Tony and Pepper), she wasn’t sure if what she and Clint had was in the same class.

Before she could think any more about it, the security footage caught her eye. Was that…She froze the footage and narrowed in on the face. He was partially obscured by a baseball hat and had a scruffy beard going on. But she would know that face anywhere. He heart almost stopped; she wasn’t sure if she was happy or terrified. It was the Winter Soldier on the screen and the time stamp was three hours ago. 

“JARVIS, can you find the man in the picture on our live security feed?” Natasha rasped. 

“I am locating now.” There was a pause and she swore she held her breath. She hadn’t felt anything close to this since she was a young girl in the Red Room. Even the destruction of SHIELD hadn’t left her feeling this anxious. 

“I have located the person you requested, Ms. Rushmore. He is 250 yards northwest of the building’s service entrance.” 

“Thank-you JARVIS.” She said breathlessly before grabbing her cell phone. 

“Darcy’s house of pancakes, how do you want ‘em stacked?” 

“Darcy. I need to get ahold of Steve.” There was a brief silence from the other end of the line. 

“Did you find him?” 

“Yes.”

“I’ll call him.”

And the line instantly disconnected. Natasha stood up, keeping her eyes on the real time monitor currently trained on the Winter Soldier. Bucky Barnes. She couldn’t separate them in her mind. The past was becoming the future and she wasn’t sure where that left her.

**Author's Note:**

> So the constant capitalization of "Him" is on purpose. I had a hard time deciding what Bucky would call himself in his head since he doesn't really know anything about himself right now. So I tried to have it be a "Him" when he was talking about Himself in the present. For his flashbacks and other times, I left it lower case. Anyway, sorry if I missed any of the capitals.
> 
> Also, I am from DC and I remember thinking in the movie- why would the exhibit be at the Air and Space museum?? Captain America didn't fly planes! So I figured that Bucky could work out my own confusion.


End file.
